We told the kids after our initial dating scan, we had an early one at 6 weeks and we showed them the grainy sonogram, letting them guess what it was. Benen guessed it was a weird picture of a nest (metaphorically on point!).  When we told him he was going to be a big brother again he was thrilled; ran and got me bottles and promised to help change diapers and teach his new sibling how to walk. Charlie on the other hand, sat and stared at us through her heart shaped sunglasses and responded with a wailing " NOOO THANK YOU" to being a big sister. 

I remember feeling struck at how Naïve I felt. Naïve despite knowing that "miscarriage" is common. I think It is fairly common knowledge that pregnancy loss commonly occurs. The statistics state that one in four women will experience a miscarriage, and ten out of one hundred known pregnancies end in early loss.  I now do not take for granted what a privilege it was to experience two fairly textbook term pregnancy's without the heightened anxiety that pregnancy after loss then demands. After naively carrying life into the world twice, I had two pregnancy's that abruptly stopped without so much as a whisper goodbye, twice in a row.

We're coming up on sweet Charlie Carters first Birthday and I find my self reminiscing on these early days with her often. I realized that I never gave these beautiful memories a place in this space that I ultimately use as an online scrapbook. Something to look back on forever more.

Looking back on these photos is surreal. They feel like a lifetime ago, I guess in a way they kind of were. Before we knew that inside that beautiful bump was our little GIRL. Prior to meeting her earthside we referred to her  as baby.

And baby, “I may never find words beautiful enough to describe all that you mean to me, but I will spend the rest of my life searching for them.” -John Mark Green

Here we are Four months in to motherhood. Four months into my maternity/parental leave. Four months into our new “normal”. I Love it, I’m 110% obsessed with this sweet boy of mine, and I love that I am fortunate enough to take this time and fully dedicate it to being a mother; but man has my life changed.

A Few Things I Want To Remember:

1. The first few weeks of being a little family – the snuggles, the exhaustion, the full house, the flowers and balloons, the joy, the love, the bliss.

2. The go with the flow taking in every sweet moment; first baths, first coo’s, first smiles, first family outings, and the excitement and learning of it all.

“Baby, oh, baby, the places you’ll go! The worlds you will visit! The friends you will know!” – Tish Rabe from the works of Dr. Seuss

Dear sweet baby “V” (as we’ve grown accustomed to calling you for now) we can not wait to meet you!