Charlie Carter Visser

January 27th 2020 marks another monumental unforgettable day in my life. Our beautiful daughter, Charlie Carter Visser came into the world fast and furious on her due date at 3:40 pm weighing 8lbs and 10oz.

That’s right a baby born during the day and on her estimated due date - rather considerate if you ask me.

Its been 6 weeks since labor began. Six weeks of Charlie. The Friday before she arrived she gave us  a pretty legitimate false start. I timed contractions from approximately 2pm-11pm. Josh didn't go to his hockey game and I mentally tried to prepare for what was to come. While they were steady, they never picked up in intensity and once I settled in to bed, things fizzled out. The weekend that followed was uneventful and we continued to excitedly wait.

On Monday January 27th morning (our estimated due date) I found myself lying in bed 40 weeks pregnant, uncomfortable despite my excess amount of pillows and starting to mildly contract. I felt that first undeniable force of a contraction as I laid awake waiting for Josh's alarm to go off. Due to the events of Friday I didn’t get too excited. I got up and had a shower and when Josh asked how I was feeling I reported that there was no change really, feeling a few  mild tightenings but nothing crazy; convincing him that he should go to work. We both continued going about our morning routines when I realized that these little cramps or tightenings were actually pretty consistent and felt a little different than Friday. In spite of that I convinced myself that they would likely fizzle out. Despite my best efforts in trying to convince Josh that I was fine and to go to work, he thankfully knows me better than I know myself and decided to take the day off. Even if it was false labor again then we'd have a bonus family day together.

It was the most beautiful January morning-- cool and crisp, blue skies and Mr. Golden sun was out to play. I had originally planned to grab groceries early that morning and then have a fun day with Benen; so that’s what we did. The mild contractions remained consistent and as we picked up groceries I decided to phone our wonderful midwives to give them a heads up that I was maybe in early labor. Excitedly reporting that I was comfortable and managing well we planned to keep in touch.

Back at home I utilized my yoga ball, bouncing through the contractions that I still figured would eventually peter out. Benen rubbed my back and we played hockey guys and hot wheel cars, while I attempted to eat and sipped red raspberry leaf tea. I had made a labor playlist well in advance but due to toddler request we sang along to Blippi instead. If you've never labored to songs like "Garbage Truck" you're missing out.

Just before noon we touched base with our amazing midwife team from Ocean Grove Midwifery. I reported that things were still happening, maybe even progressing slightly, and that I felt like I was still managing and coping well at home. My plan was to labor at home for as long as possible before transferring to the hospital so we decided to check in again in another little while and or when things changed. I decided to get in the bath to try and relax and Josh got Benen set up with lunch. As the tub was filling Benen graciously made sure that I had all the best bath toys, and by all the best ones I mean just all of the bath toys we own. Josh mixed my favorite blend of essential oils with coconut oil, turned my playlist on and I sank into the hot water. Josh and Benen ate lunch and played while I rode the waves of labor denial-- Josh periodically checking in on me.

Josh peeked in to tell me that he was going to put Benen down for a nap. In the time it took for him to read a couple stories and snuggle Benen to sleep, contractions got noticeably stronger and closer together. Causing me to really focus and breathe through them. "okay maybe this really IS happening" I mulled over in my head. I calmly told Josh that maybe it was time to drop a Lines and call in reinforcements. Kirsten and Andrew were on call to come over to stay with Benen and we updated our Midwives. 

We waited for them to arrive. I bounced on my ball, and breathed deeply. Josh loaded our pre-packed things in the car and gathered the last minute things from the list I had ready for him. I tearfully peeked in on a sleeping Benen, comprehending that the next time I saw him he would no longer be the baby. I reheated my bean bag for the third time in anticipation of the dreaded car ride and grabbed some towels just in case my water broke in our newly detailed car.

The transfer to the hospital was the worst; I remember that part with Benen. With Benen we arrived in the middle of the night; you’re a bit more of a spectacle laboring your way to the unit in the middle of the day. We walked on to the unit, greeted by my lovely co workers and made our way down the hallway to one of my favorite rooms. I waddled into the room, setting down our things in between contractions. For whatever reason I still had a thoughts of denial that this was really happening go through my head, but when I was checked to be about 6 cm dilated I allowed my self to get excited to meet our baby soon. 

Our lovely midwife drew me a bath, Josh put on my playlist and I sunk into the tub once again. Sans bath toys this time. We listened to baby's  heartbeat periodically, I squeezed Josh's hand real tight every 2-3 minutes for about 60 seconds and we jammed to our chill vibes playlist.

Things quickly became intense. Transition. The whimpering, frantic looks, the want to flee, the feelings of "I don’t want to do this", "I can't do this" "its TOO much" filled my head. I know very well what this means. It typically means that you're close to meeting your baby, yet the response and feelings remained. I tried to re-focus. I recited some affirmations in my head, received encouragement,  and squeezed Josh's poor hand.

I felt this sweet baby move down and felt that undeniable, uncontrollable urge and reflex to push. From my past experience I was nervous that I would have a cervical lip and be stuck. I dreaded the idea in this heightened state of getting out of the tub if I wasn't fully dilated. I was checked to have a small rim remaining, and my membranes spontaneously ruptured. In between contractions my team helped me out of the tub, dried me off, and assisted me to the bed.

At the bedside I had one very strong contraction, my body bearing down-- doing its thing. When that one let up, the plan was to reassess, so I quickly scrambled up onto the bed just barely having time to get onto my hands and knees before the next one came crashing over me. So dang powerful. Through the fog I heard "oh there is baby's head". The intensity I felt during the next contraction is indescribable and all of a sudden in shock, I was grabbing my baby, and pulling her up to my chest. Time stood still. I held her close, closed my eyes and breathed her in while she was vigorously dried off. I did it. We did it. My baby was here. No words can ever describe these kind of moments. I actually don’t remember hearing her initial cry, but Josh tells me that she squawked right away announcing her safe arrival. Talk about comin' in hot.

The shock settled and I looked over at Josh in awe; ready to find out if we had another little boy or a daughter. One of my wonderful midwives happened to catch this moment of discovery on video on one of our phones and it is my favorite thing ever. (Love you forever for capturing this memory!!) In my arms I held our daughter, a beautiful baby girl. 

My homies helped me flip over and tuck this new sweet babe skin to skin snug on my chest so that I could deliver her placenta. In that process there was a rather large gush, and in my head I thought "ohhhh shoot, that’s not great".

The next part is a bit of a blur. An IV was initiated, and my fundus received lots of loving massage. Turns out "nurse curse" was in full effect with a rare torn cervix. Our on call OB was called, local applied and N202 gas inhaled while my cervix was repaired. According to Josh this was the only time I swore through the whole experience. Ouch.

There are few things in this life more beautiful than bringing new life into the world. Birth will take you to your limits, and then past them. Just before Charlie was born there was a point where birth felt stronger than me, but the process is so incredibly divine. The surge of hormones that cascade through the body dictating what needs to happen. Each and every experience is so incredibly different and unique and again I found strength that I didn’t know I had.

After some blissful skin to skin and bonding with our sweet girl, our wonderful family excitedly flooded the room to meet their new niece and grand daughter. Benen awoke from his nap to news that his new baby brother or sister had arrived, and came to meet her right away.

Charlie Carter Visser all 8lbs 10 oz and 52 cm of you was absolutely perfect. You had a head full of dark hair and bright blue eyes. You were quiet and alert. Seemingly happy to be here. The night you were born; once all the people that love you left, while I was supposed to be sleeping I laid there for most of the night and just stared at you in awe, of you my beautiful daughter. "C.C" Your name sake is obviously very meaningful. Although you and Uncle Carter will never know one another I know how much he loves you, for he told me so in his nonchalant way the last time I saw him. He was so giddy and excited to be an Uncle again and while you wont get to know his love earth-side I hope you'll get to know and love him through my stories, memories and my own unwavering love for you both. 

I cant wait to get to know you more, to watch you grow and learn and teach us all about life and what it means to be your parents. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama sweet girl. I Love you forever.

Love Mom 

xo